So Easily Thrown Off

It has been several weeks since my last post and it has not quite been from a busy schedule. I have not been feeling well again and have been busy pouring over decorating plans and other plans for life in general. The past few weeks have had tornadoes, snow, chilly mornings, a little more Chuck than normal, and quite a bit of video chats with family.

Something I have been thinking about quite a lot lately is my own personality and other people’s response to it. I generally keep quiet when people tell me that I am different and that it is not a good thing. I smile and let them make their point, letting them continue to think they are right and that gives them a right to say so. I am no longer going to let people tell me what THEY think I should be.

I am an introvert. I have never been otherwise. I am (in most situations) a quiet person. That does not make me broken, wrong, unfriendly, or unhealthy. I talk to anyone who feels like having a conversation with me and I welcome anyone that approaches me. It is not natural for me to make the first attempt toward a conversation but I do it when I feel it is necessary. I do get overwhelmed in large, loud groups, especially if they are mostly strangers, but I am not broken. I do not have to love being in the middle of a cacophony of voices and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Everyone is different and I am very aware of the necessity of this. Extroverts do not get to decide how people should be. I absolutely do not mean all extroverts would think so or say so, but a vast majority of the people who have informed me of my need to change who I am are extroverts or at least far less introverted than I am.

Silence is not a bad thing. Calm and quiet are not bad things. I do not like most people’s incessant need to fill the air with chatter. Silences are not ‘awkward silences’ to me. It just means that I now have time for real thought. I do not and have no desire to tell extroverts to be more introverted. They are different than I am and I appreciate that difference. People like to bring up the fact that I do not leave home for a job as a reason I should not be ‘allowed’ to be introverted. I am a house-wife and a writer, NOT agoraphobic. When I leave the house I talk to people I come in contact with. I chat with cashiers, I talk with the ladies at my knit store, I help fellow shoppers pick out paint colors. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with me. I do not understand why they think my not constantly being within a few feet or a few inches of another person’s body is a bad thing.

I will readily admit when I am wrong about things or when I am acting in some way I should not. This is not one of them and I have absolute peace about it. If God wanted me to change He would let me know. He has not and I will not. I will NOT apologize for being who I am. I will not smile and let people push me into who they want me to be. In high school I fought against the way I was because everyone said it was wrong. I forced myself into situations that were the complete opposite of my own personality and I did not grow from it. I became stressed and even more uncomfortable in my own skin. That is not of God. God made me the way I am and when I accepted it my life began to change. I finally became my own person. My creativity comes from my introversion. If you do not like me the way I am then you do not have to be around me.

I am Born-Again. I am an introvert. I am a wife. I am a thinker. I am a reader. I am a writer. I am NOT broken.


11 responses to “So Easily Thrown Off

  1. There is no need for you to apologize for the you – you are.
    I accept everyone for who, and what, they are.. Not everyone though will accept me in such “unconditional ways.” I am alright with that also… as well you should be.

  2. I am right there with you Kati. As an ISTJ on the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, I am 90+% in all 4 areas and I can relate with being thought of as being “broken” or “rude” or “inconsiderate” or “fill in the blank”. The first step is to understand who you are as God made you to be and how you process the world around you. God made you this way for His purpose and His glory and not for the purpose and glory of anyone else. But since we live in a world and culture that pretty much worships the extroverted way of actions and interactions, especially in the modern day church and ministry culture, it is easy to get overwhelmed with it and to retreat away from the world and from ministry. But since God made us to be His ministers, we have to learn how and where we are able to fit in and contribute. It is not a road for the faint hearted even though it is a very difficult road at times. But God’s Word tells us that the one who waits upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will run and not be weary and will walk and not faint.

    Being that I am close to 30 years farther down this introverted road than you are, I can tell you that the struggle of being an introvert in an extroverted world is one that ebbs and flows with different seasons of winter, spring, summer and fall. Each season has its great struggles to overcome but each also has its great beauty to be to be discovered and enjoyed.

    I know that have mentioned this book to you before, but I will share it again for good measure. It is called “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain. I have read a number of books on this subject and this is by far the best one dealing with what introversion.

  3. Wonderfully written.   Well thought out & stated.   Do you realize how much you are like me?    Do love you.    Grandma

  4. I wish I could write like this… I wish I could have written this… I wish I were with you today. I AM 30 years further down this road than you, and you are the COOL I wish I’d always been. Call (or write) me if you need to vent.

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